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We’ve all made assumptions and jumped to conclusions.

We’ve all exhibited behavior that wasn’t unjustified.

Mixed signals leave two people reacting to false information. But when the inconsistencies are subtle, like minutes turning into hours or the tone and energy has changed, it can drives us nuts. So what do you do when you notice a slight delay or change in tone? I have a friend who will engage in lightning speed text banter for hours, then suddenly go dark and completely ignore a question I asked for days. There are so many reasons why a kiss may not surface on the first date that has nothing to do with you or the chemistry.

Add to that our ego and fear of being vulnerable and our dating experience or relationship can go south pretty quickly. When we don’t get texts back in a quick manner, and by quick I mean on our terms, our mind starts to race and we assume the worst. And the panic subsides until you send them a text and they don’t respond in your expected time window or their response time has change, and you spiral downward once again. Don’t jump to conclusions until you get all the information back. At first, I was offended (hurt) and questioned our friendship. They may want to kiss you but the timing may be off or the activity doesn’t allow for that moment.

In recovery from addiction the concept of "setting a bottom line" is a common one.

They’d rather take their losses and forget the whole thing, than diminish their images and reputations as smart business people.And now with digital messaging like texts, social media, dating apps and emails, there is even more room to miscommunicate. We start to play things back and wonder what happened, what went wrong, especially if this person is someone you recently met. It’s not the obvious drop off that gets our mind spinning. Most likely, you’re pulling from your own insecurities or comparing this person’s response time to others in your past. Without even talking to him or getting the facts, I made a decision to distance myself based on his text time. For example, if you go hiking during the day on your first date, it’s kinda tough to go in for the kill on a trail.So let’s go through some common mixed signals and see if you can relate to any. Then of course you find out the truth: They were in a meeting. If their response time goes from minutes to two days, yeah something has changed. I thought if he’s not going to give me as much as I give him, why invest in this? Then I got used to it and learned that that’s just the way he is. He or she is waiting for the perfect moment because they fear rejection.A bottom line exists for each person whether he or she acknowledges it or not. It can be useful to break up a "bottom line" into three parts. are behaviors that you cannot do, but which are not drastic enough to reset your sobriety date if you do them.Violating a boundary behavior is a signal that you are on dangerous ground and need to take action.




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When the dust settles and your life gets back to normal, you will find yourself with thoughts of dating.