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Acknowledging that something happened and giving the benefit of the doubt are not mutually exclusive.We have to acknowledge what happened and how we feel in order to gauge whether the benefit of the doubt is warranted or whether we need to represent ourselves more adequately.The flip that happens between "girlfriend" and "wife" can seem like a canyon that's nearly impossible to cross, or it can be a tiny change that happens in his heart in a moment.For my husband, he was "confused" to the point of seeing a therapist who told him to tell me that if I "loved him I would give him the time he needed." If you've been reading my letters, you know that my answer was "Of course you can have all the time you need, you just can't have me all to yourself while you're deciding."And you know that I followed through by changing my energy in the relationship, by using what are now the Tools I share with you, and I got his decision in record time - less than 6 weeks to his sweet proposal of marriage.Here's a letter from Michelle, who's at that horrible place - her man is there but not there, he's hot, then cold, he's a boyfriend, but then he doesn't know where that will lead.He's simply not "invested" enough in the relationship.

Does he treat you right and consistent in his attention?

After several years of writing Baggage Reclaim and being asked numerous times “Are they emotionally unavailable?

”, I’ve put together a list of the most common unavailable relationships , as I’ve realised that pretty much everything I’ve heard falls into eleven types of relationship.

‘Casual’ Relationships – Casual arrangements including Friends With Benefits and booty calls, as well as those who don’t want anything ‘heavy’ and like to keep it ambiguous and unlabelled.

Think of these ‘relationsh*ts’ as someone getting all the fringe benefits without the commitment, intimacy or responsibility.




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It is important to understand that by representing yourself, you may be giving up important rights.